Getting Engaged: What Took So Long & Picking Out A Ring
Hello!!
Welcome to our first blog post of 2021! We really lived it up over the holidays, making sure to wear real clothes as little as possible and play Christmas music and movies non-stop. It was lovely. We entered 2021 feeling very rested. And also very engaged!
Because Matt proposed on Christmas morning, underneath the tree in our house. We were exchanging gifts, just the two of us plus Fox. He gave me a gravity blanket and a sleep mask, which like wow he really understands how much I value being unconscious, so it was already the best Christmas ever.
And then he gave me one last present to unwrap! It was an empty Christmas pickle ornament box. If you’re not familiar–the hunt for the Christmas pickle is a Christmas morning game where a pickle-shaped ornament is hidden in the tree. Whoever finds it gets an extra gift or a little cash, which is what we got when we played it in my household when I was a kid. A proposal was not on my radar, but as soon as Matt gave me that ornament box I was like… oh shit he’s going to tell me to find the pickle and then I’m going to find it and he’s going to propose to me OH MY GOD.
So, I actually had a really hard time finding the pickle. It was the exact same shade green as our tree, and also my future was flashing before my eyes, which didn’t help. Eventually Matt was like alrighty… maybe look over there * points to bottom right corner of tree *. And I looked and found it. He pulled a ring out and got on a knee and said a bunch of sweet things that I honestly can’t remember because I was crying and then at some point I said yes! And then we made pancakes and Facetimed our moms.
It was perfect and private and incredibly sweet, and I’m so happy there wasn’t a flashmob. God, a flashmob full of people wearing face masks can you think of something more Apocalyptically 2020? Anyway, glad it was just us. No shade on the flashmob proposal people out there it’s just something that would, personally, give me heart palpitations.
We posted about the engagement that night on Instagram and got a few questions that I thought I could go into here!
So, what took so long?
A lot of people were surprised we weren’t already married, having just bought a house together and having been together for almost eight years. The truth is that marriage isn’t something that has ever been terribly important to us, and in a lot of ways it still isn’t. We started dating at the beginning of 2013, two years before Obergefell v. Hodges guaranteed marriage equality throughout the U.S. When we were forming the foundation of our relationship, marriage was not even an option that crossed our minds. And so, in a lot of ways, it made us view marriage as very much so unimportant. Why would we give power to this thing that fully rejected us and is kind of a stupid outdated institution anyway?
So, like, “fuck marriage,” was kind of our position from the start. It’s worth noting we were 20 & 22 at this point, so beyond all of that we still felt too young to be seriously talking about getting married. We of course were elated to see marriage equality realized, and absolutely see the value that “legally” being family serves in terms of medical access, taxes, etc., but, marriage as a signifier of which relationships are true or important? No thank you.
What changed that made marriage important?
Nothing, really! We still love each other just as much as ever, more and more even! Marriage seems like a legal necessity in order to make sure we’re considered each other’s family, especially since we’re talking about having kids one day. And, also, ok fine it does feel kind of special and beautiful to have yet another way of committing to one another, especially one that involves a nice gold ring! I think we were both surprised how emotional it made us, and how good it feels to have our love for each other further recognized.
Was it a total surprise?
Yes and no! We’ve openly talked about getting married for a while now, but we always knew that we wanted to prioritize putting our money towards a home and not a wedding. So, once we bought our house, in the back of my head I was like, Ohhhh we’re gonna get engaged soon huh? And in our discussions long ago, whenever we talked about marriage, I joked that Matt needed to propose to me, and he liked that idea so that kind of established that. So it was a surprise in the sense that I didn’t know when it was happening, but not in the sense of having no idea it was coming.
Do you both have rings and are you gonna wear them before the wedding?
Yes! This past weekend we went shopping together for Matt’s ring (it’s very similar to mine!) and we plan to wear them during our engagement period. There aren’t really any hard set rules on the subject and we like the idea of having little signs of our commitment to wear. On the wedding day we’ll just take them off prior to the whole vows thing and put them back on.
What was it like buying a house together as two “single” people?
Honestly very simple. We just co-applied for a home loan, had both of our credit scores run, had our joint savings account checked, etc. I don’t think being married would’ve made this process any easier, and we’ve seen several of our peers do the same. Prioritizing money going into a home, which will continue to increase in value, felt like much more important than spending that same amount of money on a wedding.
OK and now I’m passing over the blog post to Matt for the ring-buying questions! Ciao besos.
Where did you buy the ring and how did you know exactly what he wanted?
I went to a local jeweler with our best friend Hayli to shop for the ring. Hayli is looking to buy a house and I’m her realtor, so we told Beau we had a place to go tour. I think I didn’t even need to see the rings to know exactly what I wanted for Beau. I knew he’d like a yellow gold for the metal, no stone, and a simple design. I told Hayli exactly what I was looking for on the way to the jeweler—something sort of wide, with one main center segment and two thinner ones framing it, and no elaborate engraving or design. I don’t know why or how, but I just knew from Beau’s appreciation for classic style that this is what he would love.
Were you worried about sizing or did you have the ring size info already?
Okay so yes I was worried and no I didn’t have his sizing info. We shopped for the ring without knowing his actual ring size, so we just settled on the ring design and the jeweler sent me home with a tiny little sizer that looks a bit like a zip tie. I really wanted this entire thing to be a surprise, though, so while Beau was asleep I tied the zip tie around his finger like a crazy person, very carefully so he wouldn’t wake up, but… of course he woke up. He didn’t see the ring sizer, so in his just-awakened grogginess I was able to play it off and say I was just messing with his knuckle (which is still weird, I know) and somehow, miraculously, I went undetected, and successfully got his size right.
And that’s the story! Thank you for everyone who has wished us the sweetest of kind wishes. We’re looking forward to sharing more on this ~ journey ~ with yall this year!
xoxo Beau & Matt