Even though I’m a Leo rising, I don’t consider myself very cocky. I may come off as confident just because I’m kind of loud. But cocky? I don’t think so… having been a fat gay middle schooler kind of subdues cockiness for the rest of your life.

Until we talk about my red sauce.

I make the best goddamn red sauce on this side of Palermo and I’ll happily fight anyone who wants to challenge me—and win.

My sauce pulls inspiration from the red sauce served so commonly in Italian restaurants around New Orleans (yes there’s an entire Sicilian subculture here that has its own regional cuisine). The sauce is slightly sweet, a little tangy, and not herby like, say, a marinara. I punch the flavor up in my sauce with dry vermouth and capers, the latter of which is something I consider optional since I know they’re a pretty polarizing ingredient. I also like my sauce to have whole chunks of carrot and celery and onion, so it’s not quite as smooth as the red sauce you’ll get around town but rather kind of hearty. Still, the flavors are reminiscent of a traditional New Orleans-style red sauce.

The sauce is what makes this sub my sub.

The meatballs are a little recipe I came up with a while back and they aren’t, to be honest, all that special. Like they’re amazing but they’re not some complicated recipe with an interesting flavor profile. They’re straightforward, and the cooking technique here is actually more important than the ingredients—you want to really get a nice crunchy crust by searing them so that they add another layer of texture to your sandwich. I use crushed-up saltines or Ritz crackers to help keep as much fat inside the cracker as possible. With the crackers soaking up fat as the meat cooks, it makes for a tastier ball.

The bread I’m using is referred to as “French bread” around New Orleans (yes it’s a very general term used to mean a very specific type of local bread and yes it can get confusing) and may be hard to find for all you folks outside of South Louisiana. "French bread” is a loaf of crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside bread that is used to make po’ boys. It’s my favorite kind of sandwich bread for anything that is sauce heavy, such as these meatballs or a hot roast beef with gravy, because the fluffy interior is dry enough to soak up the sauce and hold flavor while the exterior is firm enough to give even the messiest of sandwiches some structure . If you’re unable to procure yourself a loaf, pistolets or sub/hoagie loaves will do.

Other than that we’re just adding a touch of mayonnaise and a few slices of provolone before giving this baby a ride in the broiler and taking it on face-first. The result is a sandwich that hits every corner of your mouth, with a little acidity to break up the fatty meat and cheese, a nice balance of sweet and savory, and no frivolous vegetables to get in the way. Even if you’ve never had a sandwich like this before in your life, it’ll make you feel nostalgic. That’s just the kind of food it is.

Ingredients + Steps all organized for you below, love bug.

Note on workflow: This can easily be made in an hour or so, but if making your own sauce and your own meatballs all at once feels intimidating, I recommend you make the sauce a day or two before and store it in the fridge until you’re ready to make the meatballs and sandwiches. The sauce itself really only takes about forty minutes, but dividing the workload is nice and also the sauce gets better after a day or two in the fridge. P.S. You can obviously choose to have the meatballs and sauce with pasta and they’ll be just as delicious.

Beau's Meatball Sub (with New Orleans Style Red Sauce)

takes 60 minutes | makes 12 meatballs, roughly translating to 6 sandwiches about 8” in length each

for the sauce

1 carrot, chopped

1 yellow onion, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/3 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
1/3 cup tomato paste
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup capers
4 garlic cloves, minced
Pinch of pepper
1/3 cup dry vermouth (white wine or vodka will also do)
28 oz can of whole peeled tomatoes

for the meatballs

2 pounds 80/20 ground beef
15 Saltines or Ritz crackers, crushed up into coarse pieces
2 eggs
2 teaspoons onion powder
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
4 cloves garlic, minced
Pinch of salt and pepper

for the sandwiches

mayonnaise
provolone cheese slices
French bread or other loaf-style bread

Make the sauce by combining the carrots, celery, onion, olive oil, sugar, and pinch of salt in a large pot over medium heat until onions begin to sweat, about three minutes. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook for 10-15 minutes until onions are translucent and carrots have softened. Increase heat to medium high and add tomato paste, Worcestershire, capers, garlic, and pepper; stir constantly for 3-4 minutes until mixture has darkened slightly and thickened. Add dry vermouth and stir to combine. Add canned tomatoes and then fill the can with water and add that in too—this will determine the thickness of your sauce, so add less water if you desire a thicker sauce. Gently smash tomatoes with a spoon and simmer on low heat for 30 minutes. While this simmers you can move onto the meatballs, or you can let finish simmering and store in an airtight container in the fridge for up to five days.
Make the meatballs by combining all ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mixing until completely combined. Use a 1/3 cup measure to scoop the meatballs onto a plate—you should end up with 11-12 medium meatballs. Heat a skillet over medium high heat and add as many meatballs as you can fit while leaving about an inch of space between each meatball. Brown for four minutes before using tongs to flip, brown the other side for four minutes as well. You will likely need to do this in two batches to avoid over crowding the pan. The meatballs can go straight into your sauce if it’s hot and ready and just need about 15 minutes at a simmer to cook through.
On a baking sheet, prepare your bread by slicing in half, adding mayonnaise to taste. I prefer to slice my meatballs in half for a more stable sandwich, but you can also add them on whole. Spoon a generous amount of sauce on top of the meatballs before adding enough provolone so that each meatball is covered. Broil on high for five minutes or until the cheese has melted. Serve with a side of extra red sauce for dipping.