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Hi hi hi! How was your Memorial Day? Did you eat a hot dog? Multiple hot dogs? Hot damn.

I was busy stuffing myself with boiled crawfish while poor Matt was away at work earning some coins to buy me a new diamond ring. I've finally gotten the cayenne-garlic-crawfish perfume off of my hands but now I'm just about to dive into a plate of these shrimps so to be honest if you're wondering what that weird fishy spicy smell is,it's me. It's the truth. I'm sorry. Just call me the Crustacean Creep why don't you. Jesus.

This technically wouldn't be the first time someone has been like "hey why do you smell like seafood?". When I was a wee little twink at just about 16 years old I worked at a family seafood shop and was handling raw things from the sea and ohmygod that smell sticks to you so so so bad. I somehow tragically found myself in Walmart following a day at the seafood shop (I was obviously having a very high-class day) and some butt head in line was like "what is that awful smell?!?!" and then the girl next to him was like "Oh I thought it was YOU!" talking to the guy and then everyone went silent and it was just three of us and I didn't say a word, so, guess they figured that one out.

Anyway I don't know why I'm talking about this because it's probably just going to discourage you from making this recipe, which is a shame because it's actually really fantastic and Matt's been twerking around the house listening to Ru Paul and testing out the dipping sauces and I can promise you they are amazing. He's been solving important dipping sauce mysteries like the the best ratio of peach to mustard for the bourbon peach mustard sauce or the appropriate way to smash together sour cream and avocado for the creamy avocado sauce or the right amount of horseradish to add to a cocktail sauce that will make it taste better than just ketchup but not burst-into-tears spicy. It's all a very delicate balance. Check out the full recipe below!

Shrimp Cocktail - 3 Ways

This recipe yields roughly 30 large shrimp and an adequate amount of each sauce.

Serves 6 - 8 at a party.

Boiled Shrimp

8 - 10 cups of water
2 bay leaves
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon dried rosemary
Salt and pepper
2 lb (or up to 3 lbs depending on size of pot) large unpeeled shrimp

Bring water and all ingredients besides the shrimp to a boil in a large pot. We used our dutch oven for this and it worked just fine.
Once it's to a boil, reduce heat to a simmer, place a cover on top, and let cook for 20 minutes to concentrate the flavor of the spices.
After it's cooked for an appropriate time, turn off the heat completely add the shrimp and let sit for 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. Immediately scoop out the shrimp and run under cool water to halt the cooking process. Peel before serving.

Creamy Avocado Dip

1 avocado
1/4 cup sour cream
1/4 medium red onion, diced
1/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
Juice of 1/2 lemon
Salt & pepper to taste

In a mixing bowl, use a fork to macerate the avocado, before whipping in the sour cream, red wine vinegar, and lemon juice. Fold in the diced onions and season with salt and pepper before serving.

Bourbon Peach Mustard

2 peaches, chopped
1 tablespoon bourbon
1/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1 tablespoon mustard seed
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
1 tablespoon honey

In a medium saucepan, bring the bourbon, red wine vinegar, and peaches to a simmer. Let cook for about 15 minutes over low heat, until the peaches have lost most of their shape and mixture is thickened. Add to a medium mixing bowl and whisk in the mustard seed immediately. Let cool to room temperature before adding the honey and yellow mustard.

Classic Cocktail Sauce

1/4 cup ketchup
2 teaspoon horseradish
1 tablespoon Crystal hot sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
Juice of 1/2 lemon

Combine all ingredients in a mixing bowl and whisk together until smooth. Serve immediately or keep tightly wrapped in the fridge for up to a week.

Hungry for more classy happy hour snacks? We got you!

Shrimp Cocktail Ménage à Trois