Look, we've eaten quinoa granola in almond milk for breakfast the last two days so we're trying to balance our chakras with these little doughy friends oozing cinnamon and bacon and brown sugar. It's necessary.

I could try and write something deep or remotely touching about the smell of cinnamon rolls in the morning or the little joys of rolling up freshly-risen dough into tiny pinweels and watching them puff up in the oven, but, that's fucking dumb and honestly if someone remotely near me made bacon praline cinnamon rolls I probably wouldn't even bother doing it because it's early in the morning and I want breakfast now. However, I'm out of luck in the cinnamon roll-slinging neighbor department, so I'm making them for myself (and for Matt, cause duh). And now you can make them for yourself, too! And in the case that you're my actual neighbor, now you can actually make them for me (and also let's talk about your late night action movie addiction... your surround sound speaker system has me waking up terrified).

OK but less about waking up to sounds of action movie gun fire and more about these cinnamon rolls. Have you guys ever had pralines? They're these little candies we have around New Orleans (and I think other parts of the South?) that are basically just caramelized sugar and pecans. They're pretty much the sweetest thing in the world but also impossible to quit eating. Given my penchant for anything sweet and salty, throwing some bacon into the mix with these cinnamon rolls sounded like the right thing to do (and it was, y'all). There's a full recipe and some more POV food porn below.<3

Oh oh oh but also, some other things happening in the life and times of Probably This... we hosted our first live happy hour and it wasn't totally awful! We'll be doing them every Tuesday at 6 p.m. CST and this is basically how it works: we discuss one liquor each week and make corresponding recipes using that liquor. We'll even be doing drinking games for each show! You can sign in to chat with us in real-time and ask us questions/harass us if that's what you're feeling. If you want to receive reminders of when we are having our weekly happy hour, you can click "subscribe" on our channel. We hope to see you over there this coming Tuesday!

Bacon Praline Cinnamon Rolls

Prep time: 20 minutes // Inactive prep: 1 1/2 hours // Makes: 9 - 12 rolls

1 cup whole milk, warmed slightly in the microwave (you want it to be warm, but not HOT, cause that would slaughter our little yeasty friends - a good temp would be like 100 degrees)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted and cooled to luke-warm temperature + 2 tablespoons for brushing tops of the rolls
1 teaspoon sugar
1 packet active drive yeast (1/4 oz packet)
3 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans or candied pecans (plus some whole pecans for garnish)
1 cup lightly packed dark brown sugar
3 pieces of cooked bacon, crumbled, plus more for garnish
Vegetable oil for greasing bowl and baking pan

Glaze

1 cup powdered sugar
1 - 3 tablespoons whole milk

Whisk together the milk, 1/2 cup melted butter, yeast, and teaspoon of sugar and let sit in a warm place for 10 minutes, until bubbling at the surface. Here's a great guide to yeast!
In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook attachment, whisk together the flour and salt with a hand-held whisk. Slowly whisk in the the yeast mixture until the dough begins to form and is to thick to whisk. Add the remaining liquid and use the dough hook to incorporate the rest of the flour. Turn the speed to high and kneed for about thirty seconds, until a very sticky ball begins to form. It should be kind of messy, you definitely don't want to overwork the dough here.
Grease a large bowl with vegetable oil and transfer the dough into it. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place for an hour, until doubled in size.*
Once it is almost done rising, grease a 8x8" brownie pan and set aside. Transfer the risen dough to a floured surface and roll out into a rectangle about 18" across and 12" deep. Sprinkle with the brown sugar, cinnamon, chopped pecans, and crumbled bacon. Using gentle fingers, roll the dough up alone the long side, creating a little tube of cinnamon rolls goodness. Cut into desired sizes(usually about 9 rounds that are 1 1/2" to 2" high, and place in the prepared baking sheet. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for another 30 minutes.
When the rolls are almost done their second rise, preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Brush the rolls with the two tablespoons of melted butter and place them in the oven in the middle rack position and bake for 20 to 25 minutes.
While the rolls bake, prepare the glaze by whisking the ingredients together until smooth. You can add as much milk as necessary to reach your desired consistency, but I would go about a teaspoon at a time to be careful.*
Remove from oven and, if serving immediately, top with the glaze while still in the pan and use an offset spatula to wiggle the guys out to eat. If you have some time, let them cool for about 20 minutes in the pan before transferring the rolls to a cooling rack. Lightly drizzle the glaze on top and crumble bacon across the surface of the rolls. Enjoy!

Notes

If your house is super hot like mine, these may rise in half the time on their first rise. Just keep an eye on the dough and once it's doubled in size it's good to go!
I prefer a thicker glaze as it holds shape better on top the rolls, but a thinner glaze gives you like a doughnut-style glaze which can be delicious, especially when poured on top of hot rolls.

more decadent breakfast *just because*